Okay fine whatever: the year I went from being afraid of everything to only being afraid of most things

Introduction: Getting picky

Stepping down: wherein I unknowingly plant the seeds for a series of tiny adventures

The sensory deprivation tank: in which I spend a terrifying ninety minutes in a bath of warm water

Casa Diablo: in which a stripper's vagina and a blind chihuahua cause me to send a monumental text

A little bit of background: wherein I attempt to explain my dating situation

Adventures in dating I: winter, spring, and how Microsoft Excel turned me into an asshole

A Brazilian in Portland: wherein I discover a border I'd rather not cross again

Adventures in dating II: summer, the season of underboob and back-of-knee sweat

Getting legally high: in which I learn that some people just shouldn't smoke pot

Dating the polyamorous I: in which I develop an aversion to soccer equipment

Dating the polyamorous II: in which I learn who the boss is, and it's not Judith Light

Build-your-own-burrito-night at the sex club: wherein I am disappointed by public sex and tortillas

An hour with a professional cuddler: wherein I learn not to hate affirmation...as much

Water aerobics: in which I learn how to make myself feel (relatively) young and attractive

Adventures in dating III: winter is coming

Fellatio class: wherein I learn that there are ways in which my oral fixation makes me an overachiever

Adventures in intimacy: wherein I test the boundaries of affection and my bladder

The MRI: wherein I go on a medical adventure of my own making and it is louder than expected

One last leap: wherein I do the thing I should've done years ago and try not to wallow in regret

The epilogue that's really just another chapter: wherein I attempt to tell you why you just read this whole fucking book.